Last Episode: Tears, Beers & Very Thin Eyebrows
Last week on Geordie Shore Charlotte was dealing with the aftermath of her break-up with her boyfriend, who had came to the reasonable conclusion that it would perhaps be difficult to maintain a relationship with a girl who saw little to no harm in snuggling up beside one of her male housemates after downing one too many sambucas. This week the episode begins with her facing another dilemma, as she ponders over whether or not she is an adequate carer for the house's resident pet goldfish, Scramble and Egg. A trip to the local aquarium is promptly organised, with Charlotte, Vicky, Sophie, Holly and Dan all eager to learn about the wonders of the ocean.
I have just realised that I failed to mention Dan in last week's recap, but this is through no fault of my own. Dan's personality is as impactful as a light breeze gently gliding along the seafront, and he has a face that not even his own mother would remember.
Look at him. It's like he was created using all of the leftover body parts of failed Geordie Shore applicants. He's Frankenstein's Reality TV Star.
Worryingly, it seems that even his fellow housemates deem him unworthy to join their contemptible clique, with Sophie calling him "f***ing rank" after he didn't take too kindly to her attempting to set him up with one of the members of staff at the aquarium. I wish I could remember what Dan's response to this was, but unfortunately whenever he opens his mouth all I hear is white noise with a Newcastle accent.
Vicky and Ricci (Vicci? Ricky?) are still in the process of organising their wedding, so they go for a meal together in order to discuss their upcoming nuptials. I say discuss, when what I actually mean is "Vicky talks whilst Ricci continues to look like a man who's had a disagreement with his own brain".
However, it's not all fun and romance for the happy couple, as a night out results in Ricci getting very drunk before accusing Vicky of attempting to sleep with everyone, including Holly, who, let's face it, probably would after a few Apple Sourz.
The argument results in Vicky getting a taxi back on her own whilst Ricci stands in the middle of the road, staring poignantly into the distance, looking like the aftermath of your little sister getting a hold of one of your Action Man figurines.
The argument erupts the following morning, with Ricci demanding that Vicky give him back the engagement ring he gave to her, before he packs up all of his belongings and leaves. Fortunately, the girls are on hand to cheer her up, taking her to the salon with them, which results in Charlotte farting in the face of one of the employees whilst she's being given a bikini wax. Charlotte insists that the fart was just a self-defence mechanism that occured out of fear as the salon worker waxed her pubic region, but I think Charlotte was in fact farting in the face of everyone trying to make a decent living in this tough economical climate. "You're pathetic", she's saying to the salon worker, "now rip hair from my over-privileged vagina whilst I expel fecal matter into your worthless eyes".
Following the trip to the salon, Ricci predictably apologises and is once again Vicky's future husband-to-be. However, Charlotte is still alone, and her loneliness leads her to start bouncing around the house like a belligerent ape, throwing pots and pans and smashing glass whilst her fellow housemates attempt to restrain her. "Psycho Charlotte is back", says James. "It's mad hearing Charlotte kicking off and for once I've got nothing to do with it", says Gaz. "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz", says Dan.